Did you know when you have a baby in the hospital they let you take that baby home with you, almost right away? I am not an idiot, I realized this as well, but I thought there would be some sort of a test? A questionnaire, perhaps?
For your consideration I’ve created a questionnaire sample:
Are you ready to take this baby home? If you answer “no” to more than 2 of the questions below, you are not ready to take this baby home. Please come back in a week from today for re-test.
1. Have you ever babysat?
2. Have you ever worked with young children?
3. Do you like young children?
4. What do you do when a baby is hungry?
5. What do you do when a baby cries?
6. Do you know how to change a diaper?
If they had me take the above test, I would fail. Although, I understand there is no “failing” on a questionnaire, but I would find a way.
I only ever babysat a few times, and even then I was co-babysitting with a friend of mine, who, to this day, swears I just did it to take half of her pay. I say her accusations are entirely false. However in her defense, I got paid while she did all the work. Call it what you want, I call it taking advantage of a business opportunity.
I have never worked with young children. Nor do I ever want to.
I don’t particularly like young children.
I believe you feed a baby when he is hungry – but what you feed her, at that time, would have been a puzzle.
I know what NOT to do when a baby cries – shake them. I, for a fact, know shaking a baby when she cries is forbidden. They made me sign a paper at the hospital where I promised I would not shake my baby. It’s true. When I jokingly asked, “What would happen if I don’t sign this paper,” the nurse wasn’t amused, murmured “Just sign it,” and probably contemplated calling child-services.
No idea how to change a diaper. How would I know? Seriously- how? Did you miss the part where I got paid for NOT changing diapers?
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